Narrative 4

Introduction

Below is a personal account of an experience of using services at Penny Brohn Cancer Care. The highlighted words open web pages providing more information or evidence about a service, or therapy.

Narrative

When I got my diagnosis of lung cancer it was almost a relief in the sense that I was unhappy and almost looking for a way out. When the prognosis came I wasn’t really surprised I could almost say ‘I’ve got six months left and that’s fine’. I’d had a persistent cough and received my diagnosis and had my lung removed whilst I was in France, I came back to England  for chemotherapy but that made me more depressed and attacked my kidneys so I ended up having to stop before even finishing the first cycle.

In a way, it was the reflexology and the five-day course at Penny Brohn Cancer Care that turned me around – I’ve asked myself what exactly this was and I don’t know. It sounds a bit contradictory, although I’m an atheist, I found the spiritual aspect of the approach very helpful, in the sense that the compassion and the concern of the people I met here made a difference. I changed from wanting to give up to really acceptance; I decided that I would accept whatever I had and enjoy life for what it was; I think that started with reflexology which for some reason I found very relaxing and it gave me an energy that I’d not had previously.

During a treatment session it takes me a while to feel totally relaxed but when I come out I feel calm and more at ease with myself. I can, hand on heart, say that when I started reflexology it really did invigorate me; whether that was the relaxation, the touch, the sensations on my feet or the effects of the reflexology but I felt more alive and like I wanted to do things; And I’ve got no explanation of that at all but that’s what happened. With the aromatherapy, after each session I have felt very good, very calm, very relaxed and very fresh; I feel a general sense of well being because of that.

I wasn’t able to find a support group locally so I’ve now started coming to a support group held at Penny Brohn Cancer Care. I felt this would be useful partly because on the five-day retreat I’d found it very helpful to talk to other people with cancer. It was very moving to hear other people’s stories and also inspiring because there were people there who’d gone through many cancers and were still battling ahead. I wasn’t able to find a support group locally but one of the aspects of the Penny Brohn Centre which I find helpful is the compassion of the people here and the pleasantness of everyone.

At the moment what I do is I give myself a day a week, I have a treatment in the morning and then do the support group in the afternoon. I’m doing aromatherapy and healing at the moment. I found the healing intriguing because I don’t believe in anything spiritual out there, I’m still dubious regarding explanations of how it works but not about the effect because I’ve found it calming, refreshing and nourishing; so regardless of how its effects are explained I’m happy to take it on board. The same goes for reflexology; I’m not convinced by the explanations but it certainly was the thing that gave me energy, there are all sorts of reasons why that could be. I’ve lived my life alone and actually having someone touching you is one of the things that’s made me realise that I’m lacking in human contact. So from that point of view the cancer has opened up a new area of life for me. For the first time in 40 years I’m in a relationship so it’s been a really, really big change.

I wish I hadn’t had cancer and I wish I was fitter than I am but it’s actually led to me having a better life. And when I was diagnosed I was so unhappy I saw it as a way out whereas now, although I think I’d be more accepting, I really hope that I don’t get a bad prognosis. At the moment, fingers crossed, my cancer is in remission.

Some of the things we did on the retreat just gave me a refreshed desire for life which I’d not had before, and to make the most of it.  And that doesn’t mean I want to go off and do tons of things particularly but it means I want to, as I’m doing things, be aware of them.